How Do You Love
by Killjoy Luvs Cake
Summary: I'm bad at summaries. I rather you read it to find out.
1. Kana

**A/N**: okay i got a stroke of inspiration while listening to the song _How Do You Love Someone_ by Ashley Tisdale. i guess you can call it a song fic, im gonna split this into different parts with different views. i chose Kana's name cause Kamiya Hiroshi thinks that Hanazawa Kana is cute(i think so too ^^ ww) as a fair **warning** my specialty is tragic short stories

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Mommy is working again. Daddy is never home because he works too.

"Kana, go hide in mommy's room, okay?"

I know. Mommy doesn't want me around. He never does. I should be going to school like normal people, but mommy and daddy doesn't want me to. I know.

I know why. It's because mommy and daddy never wanted me. Mommy says he loves all humans especially me. But I know. I know mommy doesn't love me because I'm not human. Daddy will never see me. I know. I know its because I'm like mommy.

I play with teddy. Quietly we make believe we're real friends. We make believe that we're princesses who are very quiet not to let the bad people know we're here. But I know. I know mommy don't want people to know I'm here. That's why teddy will never talk to me.

Mommy and the bad people are talking. They talk so loud. If only shutting the door will make them quiet. I know. I'm not suppose to be loud, but it was their fault. It's their fault I have to hide under the bed. I know. It's not their fault. It's mine. I have to hide so mommy won't find me. I have to hide so no one can find me.

The door outside shut closed. I can hear it. It was really loud. Mommy's not happy, but mommy will always smile. Mommy will always smile because I will be here. I will make the bad go away. But I know. I know mommy likes it. Mommy doesn't want it to end so soon. But I will always be there to stop mommy's fun. I know.

"Kana. I told you not to make any sound when I'm will clients."

Mommy looks around. He knows where I am, but mommy will always play with me. Mommy will play with me because mommy loves me. But I know. I know mommy only does this because daddy makes him. Mommy doesn't like to. I know, because I will always make mommy's smile go away.

Mommy looks under the bed. He looks at teddy then at me. Mommy smiles. He pulls me out with teddy in my hand. He smiles brighter and holds me up high over his head. He laughs. I laugh. Mommy likes having fun with me. But I know. Mommy doesn't want to. Mommy is tired of doing this.

"Kana wants to play with mommy."

Mommy laughs. Mommy laughs at the way I speak. He laughs at how childish I am. He thinks its cute that I still call myself Kana instead of I. Mommy puts me down on his lap and ask me what I want. But I know. I know mommy is tired. Mommy won't tell me, but I know.

"Kana wants to read a story."

Mommy looks at me and thinks. He thinks of what I want to hear, but there is only one book he will read to me. It's my favorite: The Mockingbird Song.

Mommy picks up the book from his bookshelf. Mommy begins to read it like he usually would. Sometimes I would feel like I'm Shawnee when mommy reads it to me. Mommy looks so happy reading it to me. But I know. I know mommy doesn't care. He doesn't care whether I listen or not. Because he is tired.

When mommy gets to the part about the bad people going into Shawnee's house I would pretend to fall asleep. Mommy would pick me up and bring me to bed. He would never say it out oud. He would never show it either. But I know. I know mommy doesn't want to carry me. I know mommy doesn't want me in his house. I know, but I pretend not to.

Mommy's outside doing work. Daddy will be home soon. Daddy never stays too long. But I know. Daddy doesn't want to live with mommy. Daddy lives far away. That's why daddy's never home. And whenever daddy comes home he will never play with me.

"What do you mean you want me to stay over?"

Daddy's home. What should I do. I want to hug daddy and have him play with me. I want to jump into his arms like the people outside. But I know. I know I can never do that. I know because daddy doesn't like me. Daddy doesn't like it when I go near him, so I will keep on sleeping.

"It's for Kana's sake. You're never around."

Mommy's trying so hard for me. Mommy is trying to make daddy stay so we can be like the family Shawnee had. But I know. Mommy just doesn't want to take care of me. Mommy wants to give me to daddy.

"She's asleep. Don't go waking her, Shizuo."

"Asleep? She's faking it."

Daddy found out. But I won't let him know. I won't let anyone know.

"Kana. Wake up."

Daddy shakes me. I pretend that I'm tired and rub my eyes while staring at daddy's hazel eyes. I pretend to be surprise and hug him. He hugs me back. But I know. Daddy doesn't want to. Even the way to hugs me is weird. Daddy doesn't want me.

"Kana. Izaya's going to be very busy, so you'll come live with me for a while."

I look at mommy, but he doesn't look my way. I wait for mommy to say something, but he doesn't.

My bag is packed for me and daddy's waiting at the door.

"Have fun."

Mommy won't look at me when we leave. But I know. Mommy is very happy we're leaving. That way I won't be in his way.

"Shizuo? I thought you were headed home a while ago."

A strange man with dreadlocks speaks to daddy.

"Yeah. I, uh, had to pick up Kana."

The man looks at me. He pets my head. But I know. This man knows I'm daddy's child, but daddy won't admit it. That's why I will smile and be the perfect little girl that daddy can show off.

"Kana loves to play."

The man smiles at me. Then we left. Daddy smiles like nothing is wrong. But I know. Daddy doesn't like to show me to other people. It's because I'm different. It's because I will never be like everyone else.

I'm staying with daddy again. Uncle Kasuka came to visit. He looks at me with the same face he gives everyone. But its different when its with me. With me he will smile a little. But I know. I know Uncle Kasuka's an actor. And he will act as if we're friends. Because I will never have friends.

The first day with daddy was lonely because daddy had to work. I was alone all by myself and no one else. Not even teddy was with me. I read The Mockingbird Song over and over again until I fell asleep.

The second day daddy took me with him to work. Daddy doesn't seem too happy because this will be my first time with him. But I know. Daddy doesn't want me to meet anyone. It's because I can't be left alone that he has to bring me with him.

The third day, daddy brought me home.

"I'm too busy to take care of her."

"Do you think I'm not?"

"Unlike you I don't have the luxury of being home while working."

"Luxury? You think it's a luxury that I let strangers into my home where I'm always in danger of getting killed."

"I thought you like that stuff. Isn't that why you let them in in the first place?"

"It's different when Kana's around."

I can hear them speaking. They think I can't, but I can. Mommy and daddy are troubled, but I can't do anything. I can hear mommy crying. I can hear daddy yelling. I can hear everything that they do.

Mommy comes into the room. He wipes away his tears and picks me up and sets me on his lap.

"Kana. Don't tell daddy okay?"

He tries to hide how sad he really is. He takes my hands and starts playing with them.

"Mommy's having a baby, but daddy doesn't want it. So this little girl won't ever see the light like you did."

Mommy's tears won't stop. Mommy's cheeks are wet with his tears. I try to wipe them away, but they won't stop. I want to cry, but I can't.

"It's okay, baby girl. It's okay. It's okay, because tomorrow everything will be alright."

Mommy kissed me goodnight light he always would. But I know. Tomorrow, everything will end. Because tomorrow I will no longer run away.

Mother's gone. He's gone to get an abortion. I have to stop him.

Mommy never showed me how to love. Daddy never told me how to feel. I now know what love feels like.

"Dad?"

"Kana? What's wrong? Where's mommy?"

"Mom—Izaya…he's going to get an abortion. Stop him? Please stop him."

"…"

"He didn't want you to know."

"Where."

"There's only one person."

"I'll be there."

"Daddy, I'm sorry."

It's alright. Everything will be alright. Because I have learned to love. That's right. I have learned to love _death_.

_Goodbye._

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The Mockingbird Songis a video, not a book, it's by Katy Towell. you can youtube it along with her other videos


	2. Shinra

**A/N**: i wanted to end it at the one chapter, but i also wanted to show the entire story going on in my head. so, here it is~

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_Sixteen year old, Heiwajima Kana had willingly jumped to her death on XX Bridge. Eye witnesses say she had received a phone call before her jump. Police are calling it a suicide saying the shoes left behind are a sign that she had willingly wished to jump. Nothing is to be said about the phone call prior to the—_

Hey, Celty. Back from work? You heard too? Yeah, Izaya collapsed when he heard it though. Shizuo's going to be here soon. But I just can't believe this… It wasn't that long when Shizuo called, and now this.

Hm? Ah, he came to get an abortion, but Shizuo didn't know. It must have been a misunderstanding, but there's no way I'm gonna go through with it now.

Kana? Ah, that's right, she hasn't visited much since she turned ten, huh. Kana… she, physically looks like a little girl, but actually she's actually sixteen. She hadn't been out of the house much after finding out, and both Izaya and Shizuo haven't really been on good terms to begin with.

Oh. That's right, Celty you didn't know about it. But of course, at the time you weren't really that interested in humans. Kana-chan was conceived by accident through a miracle. You see, Izaya's body at the time was subjected to parthenogenesis. Kana-chan would have completely been made with only Izaya's DNA, but somehow during a drunken night it mixed with Shizuo's.

Honestly I don't know how it happened. Scientists are still trying to find a way to trigger parthenogenesis in humans, and Izaya just happened to have been lucky enough to trigger it with his surroundings. But even so, he refuses to let doctors know.

Hm? why haven't the government found out about this? Ah, that's because she was registered as an adopted child under Shizuo's name. On paper she is an unknown orphan with the date of birth being the day they reported, but in reality she really is their blood and flesh. They decided it that way so Shizuo would also have some responsibility over their child while Izaya is the one who looks after her the most.

Well the natural thought is to have me as her physician, but there really wasn't anything wrong with her to begin with. So the best idea was to assign her to an actual physician. I actually wholeheartedly agreed to it. I haven't told you about it because I thought it wasn't necessary.

It was about when she was twelve when they found out. They both probably knew when she was eleven years old. According to their physician she hadn't really grown much from the previous year. It was abnormal, but since she wasn't exactly normal to begin with there wasn't much fear behind it.

The following year she didn't grow much. It was then the physician decided to tell Kana-chan about her growth problem. There wasn't anything wrong internally. She was functioning perfectly fine. Just for the rest of her life she would have looked like a child.

What?! It's not like I wanted to make it sound like that on purpose. It's a gift to be forever young. Celty, as a being that doesn't age, you should be one to understand the most, probably.

Ah-ah! That's not what I meant—I mean…

Eh? Celty…— Have I ever told you how much I love you? Ah, and it's back to Kana-chan again. Well I can understand your concern. If only she were more straight forward. I knew she was holding herself back, but to the point of denial… maybe—

It's been a while since Shizuo called. Where could he be? That reminds me, Shizuo said something about Kana-chan being different while on the phone. Like she was a different person… you don't think that maybe she was— Hm?

Coming!

Ah~ Shizuo-kun!


	3. Shizuo

Where is he?

"Don't worry. He's sleeping for now. By the way, did you hear the news?"

You mean about Kana? I got a phone call from the police. Does _he_ know?

"…That was the reason he collapsed in the first place—"

And the…

"The baby's fine. He should be waking up any time now. I, uh, guess I'll leave you two alone now."

–_door shuts_–

How stupid can you be? Izaya. I wish you were awake right now, so I can tell you how much I hate you!

Every single time I see you, you're always trying to annoy me one way or another. It's like you're not even trying to make this work. It's your fault that Kana's dead. It's all your fault…I wasn't there, so you're the only one to blame.

Kana…every time I see her I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand how much alike she is to you. How you're both always holding it back. She hides it well too, but you're both so stupid if you thought you could've hide it from me.

You don't know how much it kills me to see you like that. I can't forgive your methods of love, but even the blind can see that you're selling yourself short. Don't starve yourself because you think yourself higher than everyone else!

It's because you're always like this that Kana couldn't get the love she deserved. I couldn't care for her the way you could… Izaya. Izaya…I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, for leaving you two alone. I'm so sorry Kana's not here anymore. I was the last one she spoke to. I should've known something was off about her.

I should have known…

"Shizu-chan?"

Izaya! …About Kana, I'm—

"Who?"

_Izaya_…


End file.
